My Dad used to use that phrase all the time. Stinkin' Thinkin'. If I was getting negative, defeated, frustrated he'd simply say, "Well daughter-of-mine ... that's stinkin' thinkin'."
(At that point I probably rolled my eyes and blew a spout of air up at my bangs ... you know, that sort of thing.)
Today I was proud of myself. I avoided stinkin' thinkin' when I wanted nothing more than to wallow in my thinkin' ... however stinkin' it was.
About two weeks ago, I started working on a surprise day for JB. It was going to be my Christmas present to him. It would start in the early morning and go all the way through an evening out. I had found the babysitter (Philip & Joia!) and had everything planned.
Unfortunately, the hospital had other things planned. John was next up on "jeopardy call." This is a person that is called in when someone else can't be there due to illness or family emergency. He's been next on the list for quite some time. Since Thanksgiving I think. So we knew it could happen at any time. We also knew that he has a woman due to have a baby any day. I was prepared for the fact that the night may not happen.
Despite that, I was still bummed when jeopardy took effect this morning at 7:30am ... the same time our day was going to take effect. It will remain in effect until 7:30 tomorrow morning.
But I decided, and the Lord helped me, to see the positive. I had to fight to do this for a bit, but I was surprised at how naturally it came after just a brief period of working it. I had moments when I didn't want to see the good, but I really worked at it this time instead of allowing myself to wallow into extreme feelings of self pity. A few weeks back, a Sunday, when our plans to go to the aquarium were thwarted by a patient, I cried a bit. Today, nothing close.
So. What positive can I get out of this situation?
Firstly, the gentleman who got sick is a good friend of ours. He has been on a very rough rotation -- the rotation JB just concluded while Joan was here. Even though he is sick, I am thankful, I truly am, that his wife gets to have him around a bit. I love his wife. She's awesome. Even if my husband is sick, having him in the house is comforting. I'm glad that she has that comfort.
Secondly, John is getting his jeopardy over with at a time that really, it's okay. We can try to plan a day another time. His family isn't in town. We aren't in the middle of a play that cost $50 a person or something like that. We were just going to have a nice evening out. We can totally reschedule.
Thirdly, the boys have been playing especially well today -- both together and by themselves. I have therefore been able to get a ton of stuff done. I am feeling really great about my clean-sweeping. It's going awesome. You should see my closet! It's brilliant!
Fourthly, I reminded myself that John knew what residency would bring. We were prepared. And we chose to go through with it keeping the bigger picture in mind. Life is bigger than this one day. This is the road we have taken by choice. People need a doctor even when the doctor had plans. They need to be taken care of. I needed to be taken care of when I was in the hospital for a week after Elijah is born. Truly, these people need him more than I do.
So there you have it. My lack-o-stinkin'-thinkin'. Now please don't shove my face in this some day in the future when I get all frustrated and don't keep my thoughts as good as they are today. But today, I'm proud of myself for not getting too frustrated over a little thing.
Aren't you proud of me Dad? ;)