The Goat Hat

 

It was 2003. 

 

22 years ago.

 

I was in medical school, and my wife mentioned that the local 4H was hosting “Goat University”, sponsored by Purina, the animal food corporation.

 

I had become very interested in agriculture and small farming by then, so I signed up. Wendi had nothing to do that Saturday, so she signed up as well.

 

The day was divided into 1 hour long mini-courses. I had read through the brochure and picked what I was interested in, and Wendi said she would just tag along with me as she had no significant interest in agriculture. Today was just a day to take a break from studying and hang out together… at a transient, unaccredited goat school.

 

We had been married 5 years by then, and we had been together for 5 years before that. But even after 10 years together, she could still surprise me.

 

About halfway through the day, Wendi said she didn’t want to go to the next class with me. I thought she wanted to leave. I understood. I was a bit surprised she had made it this long.

 

But no.

 

She wanted to take a different class. She had read the brochure herself and told me she had other interests. The goat showing class was more appealing to her than goat diseases. So she went her own way, independent women that she was. I didn’t see her again until after the conference was over.

 

To this day, if I am ever asked anything about showing goats, I just have to swallow my pride, admit my ignorance, and defer to Wendi.

 

I honestly can’t remember anything I learned that day, but I did receive a certificate for graduating Goat University, and I was given a hat.

 

But it was not just any hat.

 

It was a perfect fit.

 

I didn’t care that it was bright orange… it fit so well.

 

I didn’t care that it had Purina Goat Feed on it with the word “Goat” five times larger than any of the other words… it fit so well.

 

It became my outside work hat after that.

 

Then it became my farm hat when we moved to Tennessee and bought our farm.

 

It was the hat I wore to every theme park, because my kids couldn’t lose the bright orange hat.

 

It faded more and more every year, but it has been the most comfortable hat I’ve ever owned.

 

Then today, tragedy struck.

 

I was bush-hogging a pasture. Everything seemed right with the world. Then I was suddenly swarmed by yellow jackets. I was stung on the back, neck, and arms. Having no natural defenses, I used my hat to swat away the stinging swarm.

 

Removing my hat exposed my bald head, and a yellow jacket took advantage of my vulnerability.

In the pain and chaos of that sting on the top of my bald head, my hat went flying.

 

I kept the tractor rolling forward… away from the yellow jackets nest I had accidentally aggravated. I was momentarily elated as I saw the yellow jackets retreating, but then I sat in disbelief on my Kubota tractor…. bits of orange began shooting out from under the blades of the bush hog.

 

My best hat. My work partner for 22 years. Lost in an epic battle of the greater war… man vs nature. It was just another victim in that perpetual fight for dominance.

 

And today I lost.

 

I never bought a goat.

 

I never bought Purina goat feed.

 

Although, we do use Purina dog food for the Australian Shepherds we raise.

 

But here’s to my orange, Purina Goat Feed hat.

 

You will be missed.