Life "returns" ... a little more normally

Today, we left the house.

Normally that wouldn't be a noteworthy blog post. 

But when you haven't gotten in a car since November 24 (25 days or so?!) that feels like a:

GREAT

BIG

DEAL!

So we took pictures to celebrate. And even a video:

A man watching us said to me after the video: "Did you tell your kids to smile? They have masks on."

"I know," I said. "It's silly. But we are celebrating getting through COVID."

I told him we had had it, and he jumped backward. I told him we were "clean" and finally out in the real world!

I'm still a bit weak -- low energy. But my cough is mostly gone. My taste and smell have returned. The head "pressure" has released. We waited 14-days from the last person's symptoms (Hannah) before we ventured out. A bit of overkill, but we decided to be extra careful.

The girls also took their very first ballet class since pre-COVID days. We have done private lessons via zoom and in-person with just their teacher, LoriAnn, and cousins. But Abigail, my ballerina, hadn't been in a class since February. Missing ballet for Hannah isn't a big deal. But for Abigail, this has been really hard. (Actually, they went to ONE class when the numbers in Greeneville reached almost zero. And then things exploded.)

Deciding to "go back to real life" wasn't done without a lot of thought, prayer, and the wisdom of people we trusted. Ultimately, while we still be very careful (even wearing masks when most likely, we can't get or give it again), we have decided that because we have all had COVID, we do not have to be concerned about bringing it home to our Grama, my Uncle, or the Kotysnkis who have a baby at home. This is a great comfort. We decided to let the kids go back to ballet and karate ... in a building that brings us ...

SO

MUCH

JOY.

Today was extra special. It was the Christmas class. LoriAnn has done a great job keeping the classes extra small. She let Hannah come in for this even though she was way too young. Our friend Katy (whom we homeschool with) was there. As was our good friend Bailee. I got a picture of the girls with Bailee: 

I also got a video of Abigail dancing with her role-model, Katy. Later, Katy approached me and said: "Can I hug you?!" We've been schooling together for a semester but always remotely:

While ballet is just something "fun" for Hannah, it's always been very near and dear to Abigail's heart. But I'll be honest, during the last eight months, I wondered if she would stick with it. Private classes and missing her friends meant ballet just wasn't the same. And when I'd watch her dance, I could tell her heart was often not in it.

But today? Her heart was in it again. We did a Christmas Nativity play, and she was the star (like the actual star in the sky), and she just looked like the dancer she has always been again. I had worried greatly for all my kids during this pandemic. But Abigail -- my shy little one -- was the one that always concerned me the most. Would she come out on the other side the "same" kid?

John often told me the truth: none of us will. Those of who lived through 911 are changed by it. We remember life before. And we experience life after. Our kids are the same. They will always remember 2020. They will tell their grandchildren about it. It will affect them greatly. Even more so, I believe, for kids directly impacted like my kids were by their Daddy fighting on the front lines. We can't pretend or wish away reality. Nearly all of us have felt loss and grief during this year.

But today? 

Today was ... nearly ... normal. 

And it's hard not to have "Survivor's Guilt" about that. I still have so many people quarantining closely from COVID due to high risk people or for the greater good of the community. Is it fair for me to return to life as normal when they can't? 

No. It's not fair.

But yes, it's okay to return to our life since COVID has already hit our bodies.

Right before ballet, I actually ran into my amazing friend Mary Kay in the post office. (Our husbands were stationed together back in the Azores.) We were heading back to my parent's home in Greeneville to drop off a few things and kill an hour, and Mary Kay came with us. She sat on the couch inside their house. We spoke without masks. We hugged. My girls looked at me and said: "We can hug her?!" My little Abigail, shy with many people, immediately fell back into Mary Kay's arms:

After ballet we went to Chik-fil-A. I saw our friend Emma in the drive-thru. "Can I hug you?" I asked. I explained to my kids that not everyone would feel comfortable hugging us and some people still need to be VERY careful. I told them it might still be awkward and reserved. 

But life changes for us now.

Not everyone. 

But for us? A little bit of normalcy.

Does a heart good.