An Emotionally Intelligent Parent

Here are three great habits to work to change in order to practice being an EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PARENT. 

1. I try to never tell my kids "You made so angry when you did or didn't do _____." I don't want my kids to feel responsible for my or anyone else's feelings. Yes, I want them to learn that their actions or words affect other people, but kids are really good at blaming themselves for their parents anger.

2. I refuse to send them to their room when they are emotionally dysregulated.  Of course if a kid is hitting or being violent you may need to remove them from a situation but far too often, we angrily send them to their rooms to be alone when they are upset or angry, but all they are learning is that big feelings are bad, I'm bad, and my parents don't want to be around me when I am sad or angry. I refuse to punish them for not getting emotional regulation right at the age of 7 when I still don't get it right at 47!

3. I will intentionally take accountability and responsibility. When I mess up and get over-stimulated, and I say something that I shouldn't, it's really easy to want to sweep it under the rug. It's really easy to make excuses in my head and blame them for the fact that I yelled. Try asking your kids at bedtime if there is anything you need to apologize for that happened that day. "Is there anything on your heart? Because it matters to me." And if they are bold enough to share that I hurt their feelings, I am going to listen! I am going to nod. I am going to say, "Thank you for telling me what you are feeling. I am sorry." Because I want them to learn those skills a lot sooner than I did.