Think "all this" isn't "fixing" your people-pleasing? Try again!

I've been working so hard. Working to change old patterns and learned behaviors so that I become the best version of Wendi! Almost all of these surround people-pleasing/fretting and how the dysregulation in my body causes me to explode on the people I love most -- my husband and children. 

I cannot explain how debilitating the need to please people was in my life. It was so bad, I had to take medication to prevent myself from hyperventilating in a corner when I thought someone may not like me.

I am not in therapy much at all anymore. Most of my learning is taking place on my own. I have worked so, so hard. And I will keep working. I read something online that really resonated with me, and I want to share it here with you.

Sometimes I mess up, and I find myself slipping back into my old ways. When I think that, I have to remember PROOF that I know that I am healing. Here are some true things happening to me that prove I am healing.

1. I pause before reacting. Instead of immediately going into fight, flight or people-pleasing mode, I take a breath. That second of awareness is progress.

2. I'm uncomfortable in my old patterns. The things I used to do on auto-pilot (over-explaining, ignoring my needs, tolerating toxic behavior) now feel wrong. That discomfort is growth!

3. I recognize my triggers in real time. I still feel anxious or overwhelmed sometimes, but now I can name what's happening. "Oh, this is my nervous system going into overdrive." That's awareness! That's progress!

4. I set boundaries -- even when it is hard. I don't just say "yes" out of guilt anymore. And even though setting limits still feels uncomfortable, I don't abandon myself to keep the peace.

5. I let myself rest without feeling guilty. I no longer define my worth by productivity. Resting without spiraling into self-judgment? That's healing!

6. I'm kinder to myself. Maybe I still struggle with negative thoughts, but I can catch them now. I'm starting to question the voice that tells me "I'm not good enough." That shift in self-talk is major progress!

Healing isn't about never struggling again. It's about noticing, choosing differently, and slowly becoming the version of yourself who no longer settles for survival mode.