12 Signs of an Emotionally Safe Mom

I recently stumbled upon this list of attributes of an "Emotionally Safe" mom. In the past, I think this list would have overwhelmed me. How could I ever be all these things? I can never accomplish all of that! It's too much, and all I will do is end up in a shame fest.

However, I am no longer living in a shame fest. I am now living in freedom I never dreamed imaginable. Now, when I mess up, I am able to forgive myself. I am able to release myself fromt he shame narrative that I lived under for so long.

I used to believe that anytime I felt something, it was the other person who was causing that. An example? We are having a bonfire at our house tomorrow evening. I have realized that I forgot some things for it. John asked me about the things I had forgotten. I immediately felt shame. My internal narrative started it's usual chorus with 

you are a failure; 

your husband can't depend on you; 

you don't do the things normal women do well;

 you forget things; 

he has to carry your load 

... during the last five years, that shame narrative had often turned from just the negative self-talk to actually lashing out at the people I loved the most -- primarily my husband and children. I had to find a source for the dysregulation I found inside. And the only thing most people can blame is others! It was John's fault that I felt shame! He was to blame! He made me feel that way.

But AWARENESS IS EVERYTHING! New Wendi could see what was happening, and she stopped the same cycle and changed the wording. The new wording went like: 

Man, I wish I would have thought of those things. 

It's okay. 

It isn't John's fault. 

Everything is okay. 

He loves you. 

He's proud you are his wife. 

You aren't a failure. 

And instead of lashing out at John, I was able to sit in the discomfort for a bit, and wait for it to pass. 

That change of perspective is changing EVERYTHING! About five years ago, the decades of that kind of self-talk had begun to rest so heavy on me that I could no longer sustain their weight. They were coming out of me in anxiety and depression. They were bubbling up through migraines. And when that wasn't enough to get it out at me, I began exploding on the people I loved the most. 

I did do damage to my children. But I have also learned how to REPAIR. Just saying you are sorry goes SO FAR. Did you know parents only have to "get it right" 33% of the time to develop a secure attachment with their child? (Attachment is crucial for how your child will function as an adult!) And, if I feel I have messed up? Repair at ANY point (even when your child is an adult!) goes a super long way in helping them free themselves from their attachment disorders. 

I say all that to share this list below. These are the types of things I am striving for in my relationship with these four amazing humans the Lord has blessed me with. I trust Him. And if I don't reach my daily/weekly/monthly hopes with my children, my self-talk is not going to turn against myself that's for sure!

• Unearned Love: She showers her kids with hugs, says "I love you", affirms their worth daily, reflecting God's unconditional love (1 John 4:19).
• Active Listener: She pauses to truly hear kids' hearts -- joys, fears, all of it -- without judgment. She validates their whole being including negative feelings (James 1:19).
• Humble Heart: She admits her slip-ups, apologizes for losing temper, and shows them grace starts with her (James 4:10).
• Loving Discipline: She sets boundaries with love -- likes "chores before screens" -- to guide and not break (Proverbs 13:24).
• Steady Home: She crafts a solid foundation with routines and fair rules, trusting God to build it (Psalm 127:1).
• Cheerleader: She champions their unique gifts -- arts, dreams, and quirks -- knowing her kids are wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). 
• Faith Teacher: She shares Bible stories, like God's grace in the Prodigal Son, planting faith seeds (Deut. 6:7).
• Living Example: She models patience in chaos, kindness to others, letting Jesus shine through her. Am I kind to other people? (Matt. 5:16).
• Prayer Warrior: She lifts them up in prayer -- morning, night, every worry -- covering them in God's peace (1 Thes. 5:17).
• God-Guided: She seeks' God's wisdom through prayer and godly advice. She feeds herself with healthy spiritual food, not social media fast food (Prov. 3:5-6). 
• Joy-Bringer: She brings light and hope with laughter or gratitude, even on hard days, rooted in his joy (Phil. 4:4). 
• Faith Grower: She nurtures their walk with Jesus through church, prayer, and heart talks (Josh. 24:15).
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