Freedom and joy in the death

 

 

The old parts of me are dying. 

And Oh, the pain of the death!  

These feelings and emotions I have had, I have had since I could toddle around. They are IN me. They are a part of me. And they did, indeed, keep me safe. 

And now I must let them go. 

I know this may be hard for anyone to understand who has not traveled a healing road. And in fact, just a year ago, I would have thought the words "healing road" were so incredibly ... cringe (as my kids would call it.)

But that is what it is.

I had to get to the root of the behaviors that were LITERALLY (as Abigail always says -- everything is literally with her) LITERALLY killing me. 

My brain has been trying to keep me safe for my entire life. And it's way of keeping me safe was to protect me from pain. But that protection created a coping mechanisms ... multiple coping mechanisms. 

And they no longer worked. 

And so, I heal. 

But, unlike this picture above ... I am no longer frightened. 

I am sad. 

Frustrated. 

Exhausted. 

But there is no fear now.

It is freedom.

And joy.

In the freedom.