I didn't raelize how often ...

... I tried to secure outcomes quietly.

Until God started asking me to release them completely. 

(Please note: I did not write this. I am taking this from Walk With Me Tanya Lee on Instagram.)

I wasn't out here trying to make things happen outside of God.

If anything ... I felt like I was being very surrendered. 

But Jesus has been showing me something I couldn't see before. 

How often I was still trying to secure the ending ...  quietly.

Not out loud.

Internally.

• In the way I think ahead just a little too far. 
• In the way I mentally rehearse how things could play out.
• In the way I subtly adjust what I'm doing ... just to increase the chances it works.

Nothing obvious.

Nothing anyone would ever call control.

Just small, constant movements to make sure I land okay.

And I didn't realize how much I relied on that ... until God starting asking me to release it completely. 

Not manage it better. 

Not be more "aware" of it. 

RELEASE it. 

Like ... don't touch it at all.

• Don't try to secure it in your mind.
• Don't try to improve the outcome behind the scenes. 
• Don't try to create a soft landing just in case. 

And I'll be honest ... that's where I've felt the tension the most. 

Because it's not about stopping some big behavior. 

It's about letting go of the internal grip I didn't even know I had. 

The quiet sense of responsibility I've always carried ... to make sure things turn out okay.

And when I didn't do that ... there's a moment where my body doesn't know what to do.

• No backup plan forming.
• No subtle adjustment happening.
• No mental safety net being built. 

Just ... space. 

Just ... Him. 

And I can feel how unfamiliar that is.

But I can also feel what He's doing in it.

He's not asking me to trust Him more in words. 

He's removing the part of me that was still trying to guarantee things would work.

Because if I'm still securing outcomes, even quietly ... I'm not actually letting Him be the one who holds them.

And that's the shift. 

Not louder surrender.

Real surrender.  

Cousin Baylee went home today! We had a fantastic week with her. Love these two freshman girls. 

Praying the Lord's Prayer

I've spent a lot of prayer time, recently, praying for specific anxieties to leave.

But what if, instead, I simply learned to pray with Jesus as my focus -- not the anxiety itself.

OUR FATHER ...

Before anything else, this is about RELATIONSHIP. 

• Oh God, you are my Father. I belong to you.
• I'm not alone right now!
• You care about me -- even in this small, anxious thing. 
• I am not alone in this moment! I have a Father God!   

IN HEAVEN ...

I mean, woah, how cool He is above the situation! He sees the WHOLE picture. He is not anxious, confused, or reactive. 

• Oh, God, you can see what I can't see.
• You are not worried about this at all.
• You hold everything I am afraid of.  

What an amazing, widening perspective!

 HALLOWED BE YOUR NAME ...

3. “Hallowed be Your name…”

This part isn’t about distance—it’s about re-centering.

It means:

“God, You are God… and I am not.”

I am letting His character be the most important thing in the moment, not your fear.

• “You are good, even if I feel unsettled.”
• “You are steady when I’m not.”
• “You are trustworthy.”

If your mind is spinning (“I’m being misunderstood… I’m bad… this is awkward”), this line gently shifts the focus:

from “What do people think of me?”
to “Who is God, really?”

 

 

Bridal shower

Gabe and Maryah are getting married on May 22 (my 49th birthday!) We had a bridal shower with Marya's family this past weekend. 

 

Here are Aunt Jan, Kari, cousin Lia, and the rest of the sisters: Genevieve and Ana 

  

Me with my good friend Angie (below). Her daughter, Katy, is the maid of honor (and also dating Maryah's brother, Malachi)

Cousin Baylee was here for the shower!

Truth

 

Fancy dinner with JB (& Ninja Park)

Pan seared scallops with butter saffron sauce

Crustinis with shallot jam and tenderloin

With Baylee in town, I let Abigail have a fun day on Wednesday. It’s Spring Break so there is no youth group this week. She invited her friends Reagan and Ella to join the whole gang at the trampoline park in Sevierville. Then, John made everyone a fun dinner. 

Tuesday Truth

More truth

He wants ALL of me

I really had no concept of suffering. 

I spent the majority of the first decades of my life believing that suffering meant I was sinning. That I was doing something wrong. I wasn't praying right. I wasn't trusting right. I wasn't following the formula. 

The truth is: THERE IS NO FORMULA except that we love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. 

That's it. 

But suffering? 

We should expect it. 

I've been thoroughly enjoying studying with an incredible group of women online. This is my third year with BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). This year, we are studying "Exile and Return" and jumping around to many different periods of exile throughout the Old Testament. 

This week it was Nehemiah. 

I had no idea how much I could get from a book of the Bible I'd really never given a second thought too. 

A quick summary: Nehemiah, the cup-bearer to the King, approaches his throne asking if he can go and help the Israelites rebuild the wall. Despite opposition, Nehemiah fasts, prays, and ultimately puts aside his fear and trusts the Lord. 

Oh to put aside my fear!

We all have fear in our life. What is your's? I have a few different general themes, but it has been in the last few months that I have fleshed out the biggest lie I have spent decades believing: 

I must be strong. I must PREVENT bad things from happening. Because if a bad thing happens, I will be on my own to figure out what to do. 

Lies. 

All lies. 

But a lie that I absolutely have built my life around. 

Don't let anyone, ever, not like you. Never be unwanted! Be kind. Never be completely honest. Tell people what they want to hear because heaven-forbid someone doesn't like you. How could you possibly handle that, Wendi? Someone not liking you is ... DEATH! So prevent it. Avoid it. Run from it. 

More lies!!

What if instead I believed: I can handle it?

I did a double-session of EMDR this last week. The day after, I had that moment of clarity I have longed for as my brain attempts to make new meanings and create new pathways. My counselor Kim has been telling me this for two years, but suddenly, I sort of believed it: 

I CAN DO HARD THINGS!

God's purposes are greater than the work he gives us to do! He may give us a task solely to face the obstacles that come along with it. His true purpose is to transform us -- but that can be costly. What area of costly faith are you facing right now? What related fears might you need to bring before God? Are you willing to ask him to align your heart? 

Carrying our cross puts to death our personal desires, wishes, conveniences, and wants in favor of God's will. I want people to like me. I never want to hurt or upset anyone. But in the end, am I more worried about what someone else thinks of me? Or am I more worried about what God thinks of me. 

Yes, Jesus. It is time. I am forty-eight years old. It is time for me to FINALLY say, "Jesus, YOU are the most important thing in my life. ONLY YOU."

Oh, he's been asking me to do this my whole life, and I would think, "I mostly got it." I cannot tell you how many times I would quietly feel God telling me not to worry what someone thought. Or I would have a friend say, "Wendi, what they think shouldn't bother you this much?" And I would nod and sort of agree, but then I would go into "fix-it-mode." Fix-it, Wendi! No way you can sit in this. You can't handle that. FIX!

But I didn't. Not truly. Not ever. In the end, my fear of man was ALWAYS stronger than my devotion to the Lord.

What about you? It may not be people-pleasing. What is the thing in your life that sits in front of Jesus? I ask you. I beg of you. See my story. Don't require the Lord to bring you to a place of ultimate low before you willingly say, "I put you FIRST!" 

God will actually move the heart of others to complete his purpose for us. Woah. This means that he may actually harden someone's heart to be upset at me in order to complete his purpose. This means that he may have someone fire you to make sure your job isn't your security. He may cause the loss in your life to bring about the ultimate surrender. 

I never used to believe this. I believed that good things were from God and bad things were from Satan. However, the Bible doesn't say this at all. While we know Satan is real, and he absolutely brings adversity against us, we also know that God will discipline us. 

Hebrews 12:10–11: “God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

James 1:2–4: “Consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

Romans 5:3–4: “We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” 

Deuteronomy 8:2: “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness… to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart.”

Peter 1:6-7: “Though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith… may result in praise, glory and honor.”

Honestly, just writing those scriptures out makes me have a bit of a stomachache. I don't want this to be true. And I want so badly to go back in time and learn this before I had to face the last two years of my life. Before God had to wake me up to the lie I had built my entire life around. 

Wendi believed she could power her way through anything. She could perseverate long enough to solve any situation. She could help people eliminate pain. She could fix hard situations. She didn't want to sit in pain with people. She wanted to make their pain GO AWAY because she had no idea what to do with pain. It didn't fit into her formula. Pain was BAD. 

Oh, but what if PAIN was actually good? What if it grew you?

God doesn't act on our time. Serving and following Jesus is costly because of our desires which will ultimately conflict with His will. Obstacles are opportunities for transformation! Instead of falling into despair, can you fall into prayer instead?!

HE ALLOWS DIFFICULTIES IN OUR LIFE!

Oh, how I wish this wasn't true because then I could just rebuke Satan and pray away the difficulty. Instead, I now see that sometimes, the difficulty is from the Lord. He is saying, "I need you to see me. I need you to put me first. I need you to change the direction of your life because I need you."

I have no doubt that the Lord is calling me to a new place. A different place. A place where He is my #1. I wish so badly that I could have discovered this two decades ago. Why do I have to be nearing 50? Why couldn't I have seen this at 30? 

Honestly, I don't know. Maybe I simply was not ready. Maybe I pushed Him away. 

But He has my attention now because I am simply unable to function without leaning on Him. This depression/anxiety/collapse is too big for me. I have not been able to just power through. (Trust me! I have tried!)

My counselor keeps saying to me: You have to stop trying to make meaning out of every dip and low spot. You just have to ride the waves. 

But I didn't know how to do that because for me, everything was a problem to be solved. If I can think enough, I can solve the problem. I can figure it out. I, Wendi, can get out of this situation.

Just like Nehemiah went with fear before the King ... What area of costly faith are you facing right now? What related fears might you need to bring before God? What do you need to surrender to Him? 

For Wendi there are many areas, but the biggest one is my fear of man. 

Lord Jesus, I surrender. I absolutely give up. I have tried it my way. I have tried to live for you while continuing to put what other people think and feel first. I can talk my way out of it. I can get them to like me. I can convince them that I am a good person. I can apologize profusely. I can beg. I can grovel. Anything to not sit in discomfort. 

Or I can say: not my will Lord Jesus, but your will be done. 

If that means someone decides to shut me out of their life forever? So be it. Because in the end, JESUS is my audience of 1. Outside of my Heavenly Father and my husband and children, anyone else must take a back seat to HIM! And, even of course, those humans are behind God in priority in my life. They must be!

God's activity in our life inspires believers to follow Him despite the cost. When opposition to God's will arises, it gives us opportunity to trust in the Lord. 

Dear Jesus, please help me to fully trust you!

May I be like the sheep in our pastures -- trusting the Lord to give them their next food. Not worried about anything except the thing right in front of them. Dear Jesus, allow me to be like a sheep. Allow me to reside and trust you FULLY.

Picking up cousin lol

Our cousin Baylee (my brother’s daughter) is coming to spend her Spring Break with us. Super exciting! Th girls and I are in Knoxville super early this morning to get her.  

There's a thing that happens ...

There's this thing that happens when you finally stop over-giving. 

At first it feels wrong, like you are being selfish by taking your energy back and you almost want to apologize for it because for years you trained yourself to prove your worth through how much you could carry ...

other people's moods ...

other people's pain ...

other people's chaos.

And when you stop ... it's quiet!

Uncomfortably quiet.

Like you are waiting for someone to be proud of you for finally choosing yourself.  

But no one claps. 

And maybe that's the point.

Maybe healing isn't supposed to look heroic. 

Maybe it just looks like not texting first this time ...

.... not over-explaining.

.... not begging to be understood.

Maybe it's just peace that feels foreign at first. 

You don't owe your softness to people who mistake it for supply. 

You can love them from a distance and still mean it. 

Because the truth is you were never too much. 

You were just giving it to the ones who gave nothing back.   

From Em James on Instagram 

This is what I am doing

Regulating Your nervous system

This is what I am doing right now in life. I’m learning to feel. I spent my life pushing feelings away. Feeling them does NOT feel very good right now. They feel scary, overwhelming, uncomfortable ….

I’m getting there. But man is this HaRD!

I asked my counselor if other people are doing this. Most do not. Most either: 

1. Take medication to numb the difficult feelings. 

2. Numb the feelings (drugs, scrolling, food, sleep etc.)

3. Ignore the feelings with coping mechanisms. 

So I’m doing the hard thing ….ugh. 

Mom-nessl

When you and your cousin-in-law discover you are both wearing your shirts inside out. 

I am having good and bad days, but mostly, I am so worn out from this healing journey. While there has been highs and lows, this all began for me two years ago. For two years I have been trying to heal. 

Some days, like today, I wonder if I’ll ever make it. How long Jesus? How long will I be in dismay? 

They say this about healing. It is not linear. February had really felt like I was finding my footing and then this last week, I’m in a hole again. 

Jesus!! Can you see me?!

Psalm 130:1, “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; Lord, hear my voice!”

Psalm 6:3, “My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?”

Visitors

We had some farm visitors on Friday last week. Jim and Lee (whom we met in Vermont) were vacationing in Pigeon Forge, and they came by the farm for a few hours. So excited to let them meet our doggies (they are Aussie lovers) and get to see our farm — despite it bring mud season. Fun times! 

Tuesday Truth (on a Friday)

Juxtaposition

These two pics crack me up. Sidge trying to show me the rabbit he got and Abigail walking right between them with a prom dress she tried on. 

Colllddd

It had warmed up and now it is cold again! In addition, we had finally gotten our chickens grown and laying after losing a bunch this summer and last night someone forgot to put them to bed (shutting them in) and coyotes got a bunch. So here are John and Sidge trying to get ready to get the coyotes: 

Rollerskating

It’s Ella’s Sweet 16! The girls went roller skating in Johnson City. Wendi, continuing to keep an eye on her commitments, allowed Reagan and Zoey’s Mom, Staci, to do the driving. Here are a few pics Staci sent me: 

Facebook Post

 I wrote this on Facebook today. 

I keep thinking: I don't need to share about all this stuff I've been going through. Just keep healing Wendi. You don't have to tell people about it. 

 

But that's never been the person I am. I truly WANT to help people. I want people to feel that they aren't crazy. When this happened to me, if it wouldn't have been for a series of divine interventions, I would have felt that I was "the only one."

 

And I could do that. I could keep pretending that I have it all together. That my chronic people-pleasing and busyness didn't cause me to collapse two years ago.

 

And then someone else messages me today feeling EXACTLY like I did. And I can help them not feel alone and not feel crazy.

 

If you are battling depression, anxiety, sleep issues, health issues (that they can't figure out a cause for) ... if you are using sleep, food, alcohol, drugs, scrolling, political (or other obsessions), busyness, people-pleasing, etc. you are doing it to SURVIVE. It's your drug of choice.

 

And that drug will eventually kill you. Or kill your kids. Or your relationships.

 

I've learned that I can't force this down anyone's throat. If you aren't ready to see it, you won't be able to. I had MANY friends try to tell me, and I had no idea what they were talking about. I had it altogether.

 

Until it all fell apart.

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

The Promised Land

I can feel so tempted to stop walking. Go back where I was. I knew it there. Safer. But no. Keep on walking through this awful uncomfortable mess. Keep walking. 

WOAH!

 "You cannot wish for a strong character and an easy life for the price of each is the other." 

Mondays ....

 .... are co-op days. 

Co-op days are BIG and LONG and HARD. 

I am the vice-president of Heritage Home Scholars. I love this place for my kids. I love seeing my friends. But ... whew. It takes a lot out of me. 

I can't even fathom being in charge of a school every day of the week.

One day is plenty.

However, I continue to feel better and better, and I am so encouraged that I am coming out of a hard season in my life. 

I'm growing SO much.

I've learned SO much.

I am a new person.  

Just Dream

Isaac has stayed performing with Lamplight Theatre in Kingsport, TN. It’s a Christian company, and it had been such a positive experience in his life. This production is called “Just Dream”. I went and saw it yesterday with Gramps and Grama and Sidge. John will go next weekend with the girls. 

New play!

Isaac starts a new play this weekend. They’ve been rehearsing for weeks but this weekend is the start of the performances! It’s a play about MLK. I’ll share more I am sure. This is with a Christian company in Kingsport. 

Winter Jam 2026

Abigail and Isaac are at Winter Jam in Knoxville this evening. Abigail went with her dear friend Reagan and her mom Staci. Isaac went with his buddy Charlie. 

Understanding Nervous System Recovery

(Part 1 of ___). I have no idea how  

Today, I am PINK. 

• RED is bad.
• YELLOW is okay. (I still feel pretty lousy at yellow).
• GREEN is good. (But I'm still not "Wendi").
• PINK is "WENDI IS HERE."

Today, Wendi is HERE. 

To be honest, I have had very little, if any PINK in eight months. Limited. To feel that today feels absolutely amazing. It is an encouragement to me that I am inside of me! Sometimes I start t fear I'll never feel me again.

The problem is, it is so so hard to remember these things when I am RED or even YELLOW. 

More and more, John and I are realizing that very few people discuss this nervous system recovery stuff. They discuss anxiety. They discuss depression. They discuss panic attacks. But this state that I am in is rarely if ever discussed. 

I've been feeling like I need to try to explain it more. To put it into words. But as I attempt to do so, it becomes quite apparent why no one talks about this. It's HARD to explain.  

Basically, I am in a season of "recovery." Our systems carry the weight of everything we've experienced over time -- not just the obvious busy days, but the patterns and habits we've built over the years. For me, this pattern was a way of numbing and coping. I numbed pain (although I had NO idea) by staying very busy, keeping people happy, doing things for others, and never slowing down. Like, ever. 

Why did I do this? Because feeling emotions wasn't safe for me. People do this for various reasons, but in my case, feeling became too painful. So I figured out ways to not feel. It's crazy to think I did this. But I did. And we can do it for a long time. But sometime (usually in your 40's) the attempt becomes too much. 

It's at this point that people turn to unhealthy behaviors. They scream at their kids. They lash out. They drink earlier and earlier in the day. They do drugs. They numb with social media. They eat. They sleep too much. In my case, I didn't do these things (much) so mine started coming out in migraines. It also came out in depression during my pregnancies. 

Now, I am attempting to recalibrate. I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY ANYMORE. I am not allowing myself to do some of the things I did previously to "numb" my hard emotions. For me this means not scrolling, not over-eating, not checking in with people to make sure everyone is okay, not "doing" for people just to make myself feel better. No dopamine hits. Of course, I'm not perfect at this, but it's what I'm attempting to do. 

Some immediate improvements: 

• I've lost 60 pounds. 
• I have no more headaches. Like barely any. Ever. 
• I rarely yell. 
• I am much more open to my husband or kids correcting my behavior and pointing out, "Hey Mom, you are kind of starting to do the thing." I am way less defensive. 
• I don't think anyone is "trying to make me feel stupid" or "telling me what to do" or "judging me." Those were defensive measures that my body was remembering. They weren't true.  
• I am limiting scrolling.
• I am narrowing my circle. 
• I am trying to be okay with people deciding they don't like me or like what I have to say and accept that I am not everyone's cup of tea.  

However, doing these things takes a LOT of work. And that takes a LOT of energy. It also means I have to limit potential "triggers." I really hate the word "trigger" but I can't afford to sit and watch a movie that reminds me of all kinds of hard things in my life. It will take too much from me emotionally to do that.  

Here was my previous life strategy. Again, this was not a conscious decision, but it was what was happening. 

1. Be the nicest person I possibly could. 

2. Do lots of things for people so that if I did mess up, they would pay attention to the deposits I had previously made.  

3. Never tell people what I really thought unless it was "safe" to do so. Just keep giving. Let them keep taking. Don't confront. EVER!

4. Allow people to take advantage of me, not respect my boundaries, and treat me poorly (To be honest, very few people in my life did this. It was a very small handful of people, but I let that handful take up way too much of my priority.)

5. Check in with all my people regularly to make sure we were "okay."

6. If, by any chance, despite doing #1-5, someone got upset at me, I would apologize profusely. I would take full blame. I would self-depricate and blame myself (yes, this would include lying and manipulation) in order to assure that they forgave me. 

7. Beg for forgiveness. 

Please note that these behaviors I was "doing" were incredibly: selfish, manipulative, and dishonest. I am not proud of them, but I felt they were necessary to keep me alive and safe.   

Okay, so now, I'm not "allowed" to do this anymore. This means that if I have to be who I am. I have to speak truthfully (even if the person gets upset). I can, of course, choose to not engage with someone. And I am learning how to do that. But in general, , I have to not FAWN all over people.

I'll give you example. 

This past week, I had a very minor thing happen. Someone called me and asked a question. I had to tell them we were not participating in their activity. 

Afterwards, I was incredibly tempted to follow that up with an additional text where I praised them and said I was sorry and made all kinds of excuses for why we were not participating. Much of this would be "sort of truthful." But a lot of it was painting things to make sure "we were okay."

Instead, I sent NO texts.

This means I have to sit there in my discomfort and feel. I have to remember past events in my life and hard stories and uncomfortable feelings that mimicked this. (I don't try to, but my brain just brings them up.) I have to talk to my truth tellers and ask them to remind me I am doing the right thing. 

For people who are not people-pleasers (like my husband!) this seems ridiculous. Seriously? All of that work? Isn't that exhausting?!

YES
YES
YES!!!!

And because my body is in such a flux right now, it takes a lot out of me. 

Okay, if I am being honest, writing this post has taken a lot out of me. So, in sticking with me learning what I need, I am going to stop it now. I'll return when I have more space to share more. 

Oh and this process I am in? It won't last forever. But it lasts ... for now. I hope to have more and more and more pink until the point where it is the dominant color. However, I still have to accept that I am a human who WILL have bad days. I never accepted those before. I thought they meant I had done something wrong if I was struggling. 

And you may notice this post doesn't discuss GOD or my faith at all. That is a whole 'nother level. ALL OF THIS INCLUDES JESUS. But I'll save that to discuss at a later date.  

No. I am a human.

Whew. More learning. Always learning. 

Here is a good video to help understand this. 

Here is another. 

And one more. 

 

 

 

Thursday Truth

Life update

We are STILL getting clobbered by weather. Overnight there was rain, then a drop in temps, and then more snow. John made it into work today, but the boys college classes were closed until 11am. It just keeps coming. I'm really ready for January to be over. 

I'm really ready for this "process" that I've been in to be over too. Healing your nervous system is so incredibly, unbelievably, terribly slow. Two steps forward, one and a half steps backward. Over and over and over again. 

All of this began for me in January of 2024. I had a ten month window that I felt really good, but now I've been on this struggle bus since the summer of 2025. Eight months! How long Jesus? How long? 

The thing is, I am learning how to suffer with Jesus. I never knew how to do that. I always saw emotion: sadness, disappointment, grief, etc. as bad and so I pushed it away and didn't sit in. I'm learning to sit in it. But it is SOOOO uncomfortable. 

I am so limited in what I can do. I can't spend the time with friends that I would like to. I have to be so deliberate in what I do and in making sure that I am taking care of myself first. And then my family. 

I want SO badly to be through this. Oh if there was a magic pill, I would take it. It actually makes me understand why people: do drugs, drink, overeat, scroll, sleep too much, etc. All of those are coping mechanisms to not feel this YUCK. Feeling it is nearly unbearable, and if I could take a shortcut, I would be SOooooo tempted to do so. 

One day at a time Sweet Jesus, but I long to be on the other side of this. 

And on the other side of January too. 

Big snow

Biggest snow in 30 years!! And today it was -4!! Brutal cold. Been at home since Friday. Co-op cancelled for second week in a row. 

Raven in the snow

Here are few fun videos of Raven in the snow yesterday. We had eight inches!

Raven #1 

Raven #2 

Raven #3 

Snow storm!

We were supposed to have a snowstorm last weekend, and while we did get some ice, we got barely any snow. That is not the case one weekend later. We need to go out and measure, but I would guess we've had close to 8 inches of snow? Here's what it looked like this morning after snowing for about 12 hours:

 

And here is a video of our sheep. We rarely do hay, but the snow forced our hand on this one. 

My Abigail

This was my Abigail. I remember being so confused by how clingy she was, but I am so glad I got a hold of a good book (The Highly Sensitive Child) and John helped me to see how important it was to just let her be who she is! She is barely a remnant of that shy little girl! Oh how I miss her clinging to my leg. 

My best friend turns 50!

 

My husband is truly the greatest man I know. I am so incredibly blessed that he chose me. That he fought for me (when I wasn't sure I wanted to marry him!) and that he loves me without end. 

We have been in a hard place off-an-on during the last two years as I have been healing and retraining my brain. It has been harder than infertility, our home renovation, living overseas, four children ... you name it. Hardest thing we've ever done. 

But he's been a HUGE part of my healing. I have learned about coregulation (needing another person to help settle your system) with my husband and have been teaching my children the same thing! So much good is coming out of this journey. 

And today, my husband turns 5-0! FIFTY? How is that even possible?! 

I love you I love you I love you I love you John Mark. Happy birthday!