This year has meant so much learning and growth for me. So, so much. More than words could ever adequately explain. I had to come to the very bottom of the barrel in order to need God so incredibly deeply and fully. I had to come to the end of myself so that I could rely completely on Him.
It was HELL.
I am not completely through it. But I'm through the horrendous depression and anxiety that completely devastated my body and spirit and soul for about eight months. Now, there is still learning that is occurring, but I understand this and don't need to be brought to my knees in order to see what it is He needs to show me.
There are eight of us, locally, who are going to be spending the next year working with Adam Young on additional healing and growth. I am so excited to get this opportunity to heal in community. Adam's Podcast has played such a massive part of this journey. I am incredibly excited about this opportunity in my life.
In the meantime, I decided to compile of list of some of the things I learned included:
1. You are enough.
2. Your pain is relevant.
3. You don't have to prove anything for God to love you.
4. You don't have to DO anything for God to love you.
5. We all have messages trapped inside of our brain.
6. Our brain attempts to rewire itself to save time and save our lives.
7. Our brain's wiring is often faulty.
8. We must have safe people/community in the healing process.
9. Boundaries are crucial to survival.
10. Expressing your emotions is integral to a healthy life.
11. You can name pain without blaming.
12. You may have to get angry at sin and the hard things in your life.
13. If intentional, you will not stay angry.
14. We do not have unlimited capacity in our life.
15. The greatest thing we can do for our children is to heal ourselves.
16. Children require SIX KEY THINGS from their parents. I must strive everyday to give these to my children.
17. The message I tell myself is often one that is not very kind.
18. I need to speak to myself with compassion and caring.
19. God is incredibly intentional.
20. God will make what I need to do very clear.
21. God is working behind the scenes always.
22. I do not need to earn God's love OR man's love.
23. I am a caring person! Celebrate that!
24. I am not too much. (Too loud, too dramatic, too big, etc.)
25. I am who God made me to be.
26. People-pleasing is a choice. However, I may need to do work to give myself the strength/ability/stability to know how to navigate the past trauma that is causing this.
27. I can be happy in Jesus even if others are disappointed in me.
28. Just because someone comes to mean with emotion, doesn't mean it's my job to fix it.
29. My own energy should be one of my top priorities.
30. LISTEN TO MY BODY!
31. Even the Grand Canyon gets bad reviews.
32. Even if I make a mistake, I still deserve boundaries.
33. No one else lives in my body.
34. Grief is allowed to come out.
35. Sadness is welcome.
36. Sickness doesn't mean I did anything wrong. (It is what it is.)
37. Emotions are important.
38. My job as a parent is to teach my children to be able to handle their emotions.
39. I must be strong enough to handle my kiddos emotions.
40. My kids rely on me to help them regulate their emotions.
41. I don't have to get it right with my kids every time. A majority of the time is good enough.
42. Am I willing to repair with my children? This is one of the biggest jobs I have.
43. What would I say to myself if I was my own best friend?
44. If I am losing my cool with my kids, it's because my parenting is flawed.
45. Losing your cool (or facing another "trigger") is a result of a wound I have being rubbed up against.
46. Medication will not stop my anxiety/depression. It will only mask it. Sometimes this is necessary. But I must get to the root of it.
47. You must go through the pain to heal from the pain. Jesus didn't get raised from the dead until he went through from Good Friday to Sunday.
48. I am a pretty cool person. I have a lot of good qualities.
49. My "window of tolerance" is a huge part of keeping my mental health "healthy."
50. I am a #badass.
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