Struggling

I've been struggling a bit again with anxiety. I really, really hate mental issues. I think I'd rather be physically sick any day over mentally. But then again, being physically sick also really stinks. I have learned so much about anxiety and what it actually is. It is actually ADRENALINE that fires at the wrong time. When adrenaline fires at the RIGHT TIME (before a big game you have to play for example), you know what it is and your brain makes sense of it. But when that anxiety fires in just a regular old day, you don't know what it is. And your brain attempts to find a "cause" for that misfire. My brain tells me people are upset at me. That I've let someone down. Things that can roll off my back normally, do not. 

It really makes me look around. When I sat in church this morning, I couldn't help but looking around thinking: "Who else is struggling today? Who else is hurting right now? Who else is barely hanging on?"

I know this isn't nearly as bad as it could be. I have felt worse. A lot worse. But right now, I just wish I could get the veil to completely lift. 

If you are struggling today, you are NOT alone. You are NOT the only one. I am so glad to be in this life. I would not want to not be here. But this life IS hard. Watching people you love age. Watching people you love, leave. Navigating relationships and community.