John recently shared this on Facebook and so I wanted to also include it on my Blog. I want to remember this time. I want to remember what it was like. If you'd like to read on Facebook, you can do so here. But I am also including it below:
The following is a letter I wrote last week to my team in the emergency department. I have had a number of people ask if I could share it on Facebook, so here it is.
_____________________
It's about 1:00 am on Wednesday night, and I'm on shift.
Things are not crazy busy right now, but the mood is just tense.
And that's how things have felt for the last few months.
When COVID first hit, it was scary and there were a lot of unknowns, but we had so much support from almost every corner.
But now we are out of the COVID novelty phase.
After elections and mask mandates and shutdowns and social media pseudoexperts, the support is still there, but it's significantly less.
We are in the slow trudge of trench warfare now... periods of scary intensity with periods of gloomy anticipation.
Yes, our volumes are trending up from our all-time low patient volumes a few months ago.
And we've all recently worked when we are just absolutely slammed.
But we are also feeling totally overwhelmed even when our daily numbers don't show it.
And that is so hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it themselves firsthand.
We are all dealing with COVID+ patients, and this waxes and wanes on the day.
We have all ran Code Airways (this is our local terminology for a cardiac or pulmonary arrest in a patient with COVID-19), we have all intubated COVID+ patients, and we evaluate COVID+ patients almost every day.
But we are also dealing with the constant lurking of COVID just around the corner with almost every patient we see.
In addition to COVID, it feels like we are seeing more very sick patients than normal.
It's hard to say if that is actually true, but that is what it feels like.
Then to make matters worse, we have fewer and fewer nurses every day, it seems.
Unfortunately, many of the nurses we are losing are some of our most experienced nurses.
I can't blame them for leaving. I understand. I get it.
The bottom line is that this year has absolutely sucked.
There is no sugar coating all the crap that we have had to deal with and continue to deal with every single day.
Our shifts are overwhelming, and our metrics don't reflect how hard things are and how hard we work.
I have no good answers or solutions for anyone.
I cannot tell you that it will not get worse before it gets better.
I cannot tell you how much longer we are going to be dealing with this.
But I will tell you that I am so thankful for each of you.
I am proud that you are on my team.
I am grateful that you have risen to the calling of caring for the people in our community in the hardest environment we have ever had to face. Yes, that sounds melodramatic. But you know that this is an accurate description of what we are living through.
Thank you for not giving up.
Thank you for not quitting, physically or emotionally.
Thank you for continuing to show up every day and working so hard.
Thank you for being on our team.
We need you. We need your presence, your help, and your daily leadership in the emergency department, now more than ever.
Please know that you are not alone.
John
I love this picture. I especially like to picture Jesus helping my husband hold up the bed. (And of course this is in no way a slight to all the women and nurses who are doing an amazing job too. This just makes me think about John a lot, and I like it.)
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