Well, it is 9:56 on Saturday morning. I would take a picture of myself to show you what I am doing right now, but it might just terrify you! I look pretty rough.
I woke up at about 5:15 again this morning sneezing. I have been waking up early a lot lately and think it is due to my allergies and just having way too much on my mind. I got up, caught my dad in Florida awake (although it was 6:15 there so he didn't need as big of an excuse), and the two of us went for 1 for 2 in spades. I watched my friend Tara Arness' gorgeous slide show of her trip to Peru (let me know if you want to see the show and I can email you the link) and decided that I needed a shower. I took a shower and crawled back into bed about 7:30 just as JB was getting out of bed, and now, a little before 10, I have just woken up again. He left a note that he went to the Farmer's Market -- an outdoor produce market on Saturday mornings. I would have loved to go with him because we can walk there, and the weather is just beautiful here right now, and we always have a nice time supporting the local farmers, but oh well, I missed it for my crazy sleep schedules.
As most of you know already, I did get my blood results yesterday from my recent infertility saga. I won't get into all the details here right, but please be praying for me. Yesterday I felt different than I have on most days of this journey. I often feel sad or angry but yesterday I just felt very emotionally spent and tired of it all. I didn't cry when the doctor gave me the news and didn't really cry when I discussed things with JB when I got home, but my eyes did just keep filling up with tears all night, and then the wave would subside and I would never really cry. I so love all of our dear friends and family and how wonderful they have been for me. I keep telling myself of all the ways that this journey could be worse! How many things I could list (including having to live in Arkansas I believe) that would rank worse than going through infertility treatments, but today, to be told they really don't know what is wrong with me was very disheartening. Do I have PCOS? Not sure. Do I have a tumor on my pituitary? Not sure. Do I have some sort of exercise-induced issue? Not sure. However, whatever my issue is, my endocrinologist feels that it goes deeper than infertility and needs to be figured out to deal with my life-long health, not just my current desire to have a family.
So, alas, I guess I am getting into things right now. Yesterday evening, JB was such a wonderful husband. As he cleaned his new fishtank (which looks great) we talked about where we were at. He told me that he thought I was doing a good job which meant so much to me. He is very honest and will tell me when I need to get myself together, quit crying, move on etc., but yesterday when he asked how I was and I said I was frustrated he laughed and said, "I don't have a clue why," and then he hugged me and said, "Well, you have every reason to be frustrated." And then he said that he thought I was handling the day's events very well and was emotionally ready for the MRI on Monday to check my pituitary.
Speaking of my pituitary, I must digress for a moment. After the doctor told me I needed an MRI on my pituitary, he told me his assistant would call me back to set up a time to do the MRI. She called back within minutes and told me to come in from 9:30-11:30 on Monday and to fast and to not wear anything metal, and then she said, "And we will be doing an MRI of your head and brain." Now, and please don't laugh (because JB laughed very hard), for some reason, I was thinking that my pituitary was in my stomach. I guess because of all this poking and probing of my ovaries and uterus and what-not. I am so relieved that milliseconds before I blurted out, "But I thought the MRI was for my pituitary," I realized the inaccuracies of my thoughts and remembered, somehow, that the pituitary was in your brain and kept my mouth closed. Had I said what I was thinking, I know that my statement would have ended up in that nurse's book someday that she is planning on writing entitled The Stupid things patients say.
Okay, had to interrupt my woe-is-me tale for a bit of humor.
Today, we are taking it easy. We will probably take a long bike ride later. Than we are going to go to church this evening as I am going to work form 8-12 tomorrow fro Mayo to get my boss and I caught up. JB is actually going to come in with me while I work so we can at least hang out together. He has some computer stuff to do anyways.
JB just walked through the door. Perfect timing. He bought me a beautiful vase of flowers from the Farmer's Market for 5$. Now that I can take a picture of. So here is JB with all his produce pickins' and my beautiful flowers!
No comments:
Post a Comment