Got this email from my mother-in-law yesterday:
Hey kiddo, Hope you are feeling a little better. I read you were still having the b'day party this weekend-that's great that everybody else is pitching in to do everything. I 'm afraid you'll "hit a wall" after a bit, as you tend to push it and do more than you really should. I know how hard you want to be back to your "normal", but I hope John is putting his foot down and making you take it really easy:) I'm so sorry you had to go through this-is your life anything but a roller coaster?!
I read it outloud to JB, and he just laughed and said, "Wow, she pegged you didn't she?"
"Well, sort of," I said.
"No, exactly," he said.
Okay, so exactly. Yeah. All right, all right.
She really did. John often says to me, "Wendi, LET PEOPLE BLESS US!" I am not sure why, but I just feel like there is no need for people to give to us if I can get it taken care of myself. Of course I know this isn't true. A blessing is as much for you as it is for the person who gives it. But I just have trouble allowing it in my own life despite knowing that saying, "YES" is okay sometimes.
But this time was different for me. I think, from the moment we had to go to the emergency room, I had to just admit that I needed help. What was I going to do? I had two boys that needed someone to watch them. I had a dog that needed help. And as I returned home, I would need even more help then before.
I got this email from Stebs while I was in the hospital. I just wish you all could meet Stebs in person. She is that friend that says things exactly like they are, but in a way that never hurts your feelings. She's incredibly honest but never in a cruel way. She can call you on something and put you in your place without making you flinch. Her email was, I believe, the catalyst for me releasing
Some of what she wrote included: "We are also ready to step up for Elijah's birthday day party Saturday if that's still a 'go'. We can bake the cupcakes, go get the Community Center ready that morning, ANYTHING. Do not be shy about asking -- that is an order.We love you and are praying for quick healing. Now is the time to take care of yourself and that sweet little one you are carrying -- we will do the rest."
And that is just what I have done. I have received a list with who is bringing a meal. (Did you knwo they have a way to do these sign-ups online now? What won't people come up with?!) I have received a list telling me where the boys were going on what day. My front door is just left open cuz I can't get up to answer it easily and people just come in and out putting stuff on the counter, taking the boys in and out, whatever. And I'm just sooo okay with that.
There are things about the military I will not miss when we part ways with her in around 3 years. But the incredible community of an OCONUS (Outside of Continental US) Base, is something that I know I will never see recreated in my life again. Everyone, on every side of me, is aware of what happened. I could call any house at any moment, and have someone here. We are all here without loved ones. We are all grieving being away from family and all incredibly determined to take care of each other during these times. I know this is how the world must have felt before technology and transportation moved families farther apart and neighbors no longer were just around the corner.
So, to answer your email MomK., yes, I am doing just what you asked. I am releasing control. We have released many aspects of Elijah's party on Saturday but have decided to still hold it. But I am not overdoing it. At all. I feel, in fact, that I'm under-doing it a bit.
And my hubby says that is just fine!